


They're Playing Our Song

by leonpaladin



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 14:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/868508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonpaladin/pseuds/leonpaladin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're love was perfect. Their love was peaceful. But that was before Niall got sick. Now, their love is being torn apart by Niall's doubts on Zayn's faithfulness. He finds solitude on the sweet nurse who takes care of him in the hospital, Liam Payne. He starts to fall in love with him and in the end, he has to choose whether it was Liam, the person who had been with him through hard times, or his first love, Zayn, who will have his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They're Playing Our Song

**_MARCH (Present Day)_ **

Zayn stared at the window as the rain started patting on the glass. The more it rained, the gloomier the raven haired lad felt. His phone, laying idly beside him on the bed, vibrated and he picked it up. It was a message. The frown on his face turned into a forced smile but went back to a frown again when he dropped the phone on his pillow.

 _He’s waiting for me now_. Zayn closed his eyes and sighed. He stood up from his bed and went to his closet. He peeled off his shirt and pajamas, and rummaged his closet for some fresh clothes. He threw a white shirt with the word _FUCK YOU_ written in red on the front as well as a pair of skinny jeans onto his bed.

After he got dressed, he went downstairs and took a quick bite off the banana bread on the kitchen isle before grabbing the keys from the bowl by the door and hustling to his car outside. He turned on the engine but then, _his_ smell still lingered there even after all this time. Zayn closed his eyes and sighed again.

If only we could turn back time…

_________________________

**_JUNE_ **

The summer air was filled with the smell of freshly blooming flowers and almost everyone was outside. The summer sun greeted everyone with its warmth and it was one of Niall Horan’s favorite seasons. He was now walking to Zayn’s house, wondering what his boyfriend wanted to do today.

They’ve been together since they were kids and it had been five years since Zayn asked him to be his boyfriend. It was as magical as Niall dreamed it would be – everything about it was like a fairytale come true and Niall didn’t want to wake up. He wanted to be with Zayn Malik forever and ever.

But life had other plans…

As he was walking to Zayn’s house, he caught a glimpse of Zayn’s secondhand car outside the garage and there he was – Zayn pulling out a hose from the garage and a bucket with soap bubbling out of it. When he arrived, Zayn smiled at him. “So, you’re gonna make me clean your car?” asked Niall. Zayn chuckled and patted the roof of the car. “You and I both use this almost every day, Ni. We both have responsibilities.”

“So this is your idea of hanging out?” Niall raised his eyebrow.

Zayn nodded. “Yeah, unless you wanna watch a movie again?”

“God, no,” said Niall. “Your sisters all watch the same thing every time.”

“Well, in that case…” Zayn splashed some water towards Niall and the Irish lad jerked back, hiding at the back of the car. “Two can play at that game, Malik,” he said with a grin and he grabbed the hose and turned it on, water sprinkling towards Zayn. They chased each other, trying to get each other wet or maybe just want to have fun.

Then, Niall felt something.

He stopped running and leaned onto the car. Zayn didn’t notice it immediately and splashed Niall with some of the soapy water. When Niall didn’t fight back and groaned, clutching his head, Zayn dropped the bucket and held Niall. “Are you alright, Ni? Do you need to get into the house maybe?”

“No, no,” said Niall, shaking his head and smiling. “Zayn, I’m fi–ah!” Niall clutched his head again and started shaking violently. Zayn lifted him up and got him into the car. He swiftly got into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine. The car was already speeding through the road and the bucket of soapy water was left by the sidewalk and the water from the hose escaped continuously.

_____________________

This story began like this:

Once upon a time, Niall woke up in the emergency room of the hospital. There were all kinds of cords connected to him, machines beeping scarily like they were going to explode so he called out Zayn’s name but there was no reply.

He started crying, it grew louder and louder until someone appeared in the room. He hoped it was Zayn but it was someone else. He was dressed in a nurse’s outfit, his eyes were full of worry – brown and sparkling like those of the puppies in the animal shop, asking him to take the poor thing home with him. “Does anything hurt?” asked the nurse.

Niall shook his head. “Where’s Zayn?” he asked. The nurse looked confused until realization dawned to him. “He went to get your parents,” said the nurse. “Was that guy your boyfriend? Or was he just a friend?”

“Boyfriend,” replied Niall.

“I see,” said the nurse. “By the way, you’ll be staying here in the hospital for a while and I was assigned to look after you here. I’m Liam.” The nurse reached out his hand, letting Niall know that he wants him to shake it. The Irish lad weakly reached for it and he felt something. _Something_. By the look in Liam’s eyes, he could tell that the nurse felt it too.

“Um, I…I…” Liam swallowed hard. “I’ll just go and tell the doctor you’ve woken up. If you need anything, just press that button beside you.” Liam pointed at the sort of remote by Niall’s hips. Niall picked it up and looked back at Liam. The nurse hesitated but then left the room in a hurry.

“What happened to me?” he shouted as Liam left.

Liam paused and sighed. “I’ll let the doctor tell you that. I’m not in the position to do so.”

 

Whether or not the reason was his recent break-up with his girlfriend, Liam still wanted to hit his head on the wall but that will either cause brain hemorrhage or blood splatter on the _very clean_ hospital wall.

“Get yourself together, Liam,” he muttered to himself. Okay, so yeah, the reason for him and his girlfriend’s break-up was because he told her that he was gay. It might have been okay – his girlfriend was alright and fine with the whole gay thing – but what she couldn’t accept was that Liam lied to her all the times they were together.

As his heart rate steadied, Liam sighed. “No, I can’t do that,” he argued with himself, hoping no one will notice a nurse staring out a window while talking to himself. “That guy already has someone. You can’t just ruin something like that…”

“For once, I think we’ll both agree that he’s cute,” said the voice behind him.

Liam turned around, suppressing a groan already in his throat. His friend, Louis Tomlinson, was a nurse just like him. But unlike him, Liam wasn’t flirty – especially not to patients. For someone who is older, Louis was more playful than Liam but smaller in height.

Louis raised his eyebrow. “Don’t you dare deny it, Liam James Payne. It’s not every day you get a crush on someone. In fact, it’s time you move on from her and find someone.”

“That _someone_ already has someone, Louis,” said Liam. “I can’t just make a move on him.”

“So you _do_ want to make a move on him,” said Louis with a smirk.

“Lou, please don’t do this to me right now,” groaned Liam.

“Why, because you’re in a middle of a moral crisis?” Louis chuckled. “Face the facts, Li. You like him and you know it. But that’s not just the crisis you’re going through, is it?”

Liam scoffed and turned around to the window again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Louis punched him in the arm and it took all of his willpower not to yell at his friend right now. The older lad sneered at him. “We both know what we saw, Liam, and we both know it’s that boy – the boyfriend of the guy you’re having a crush on right now.”

“I’m not gonna do that, Louis,” said Liam sternly. “That’s just wrong.”

“Wrong?!” Louis stared with disbelief at his friend. “What’s so wrong about telling the truth?”

“What’s wrong about it, Louis, is that I’m using the truth for personal gain.” Liam turned to his friend. “If I’ll tell the truth just so I can have that guy, then better he learn about it the hard and painful way.”

“But will you?” asked Louis flatly. The younger lad suddenly froze. He always does that when Louis changes his tone to a more serious and rather creepy one. “Will you let him get hurt? I know you, Liam. We’ve been friends ever since college and we both know that you would do anything for someone you love.”

“It’s not love, Louis,” replied Liam. “It’s an infatuation.”

Louis smiled. “One of the best things about you, Li, is that you’re too humble. Another great thing about you – and one of the reasons why I love you so much – is that when _you_ love someone, it’s true, it’s real…it’s rare. You rarely fall in love, Liam. And _this_ is one of those rare occasions. So I’m pretty sure you’re in love with him.”

“Do you have like an altar of me at your apartment?” said Liam, annoyed. “It’s like you know _everything_ about me…to the last detail.”

“No, of course not, Li.” The older lad tiptoed and kissed him on the cheek. “But I am an _expert_ on all things Liam Payne.”

“You’re so weird,” said Liam. “Why are you even my best friend?”

“I love you too, Li.”

 

Before Zayn and Niall’s parents could arrive at the hospital, the Irish lad was already watching a re-run of _Downton Abbey_ while Liam fluffed his pillow to perfection. Niall found Liam to be very persuasive and sweet. That was evident when the episode was over and Liam told him to turn off the TV.

“The doctor said nothing too strenuous for now and an episode of _Downton_ is too much of a drama,” said Liam with a smile. Niall chuckled and turned off the TV. He handed the remote to Liam and laid his head on the pillow, watching the nurse scurry out of his room without saying goodbye. It suddenly made Niall a little bit sad.

The door opened again and Niall hoped it was Liam bringing him something to eat because he was indeed hungry but instead, it was his parents. His mother sat beside his bed while his dad was at the foot of the bed.

“Feeling alright, Ni?” asked his mother.

Niall nodded with a smile. “I was just watching _Downton_ ,” he informed them. They laughed and Niall smiled some more. “That’s so typical you, Niall.” Zayn appeared out of the blue with the doctor behind him. The room became silent and the smiles on the faces of Niall’s parents were wiped clean.

“Niall,” said the doctor.

“Yes?” Niall felt his heart starting to race, the inescapable feeling of tightness enveloping him. “Will I be alright?”

The doctor shook his head.

_______________________

The first few days of this tale were like this:

Niall would wake up every morning around seven-thirty and he would turn on the TV in his hospital room regardless whether or not his parents, or Zayn was there sleeping. It had been actually boring, his whole day spent playing Pokemon Black 2 (he’d already gotten to the Pokemon League the other night) or reading a thick novel (which was _A Feast for Crows_ right now).

It had almost been a week since he was confined here and he had to admit, the only fun thing was being with Liam.

 

The second day he was at the hospital, Niall spent the early morning staring at the window, crying as hard as he can. He was alone then, his parents left for work while Zayn was at their house. The door opened and there was Liam, supposedly going to check on him, but instead became a shoulder for him to cry on. He kept muttering how unfair it was that there might be a possibility that he might die sooner or later while Liam rubbed circles on his back.

“I just want this to end…I want to die,” Niall mumbled.

“Don’t say that,” replied Liam. “Think positive.”

But he just couldn’t; no matter how hard he convinced himself, there was no light at the other end of the tunnel for him anymore. Niall grabbed Liam’s free hand and squeezed it tightly, and buried his face on his chest. Liam let out a noise of discomfort and Niall let go of his hand, thinking Liam didn’t want that. But the older lad’s hand intertwined with his again and returned his squeeze.

“I should get additional pay for this,” joked Liam.

Niall smiled and said, “I could tell the doctor…”

Liam chuckled. “I was just kidding. Though I don’t do this often–who am I kidding? I’ve never done this before–this is…kinda nice.”

Niall eased on Liam’s chest. He could feel the older lad’s heart beating furiously. Niall looked up at Liam. The older lad didn’t meet with his gaze but he knew Liam has a feeling that Niall was looking at him.

“Are you…?”

Liam smiled awkwardly.

“Nervous? Hell yeah.”

The younger lad didn’t know why he blushed after Liam said that but he asked him, “Why are you nervous?” Liam didn’t answer and stared at the window. He glanced back at Niall and when he found the younger lad still looking at him, went back to staring at the window. Liam never answered his question but when Niall slipped his fingers from the older lad’s and felt him tug back, he knew why.

 

Now, as the TV blared on that Saturday morning, Zayn groaned as he stirred from his slumber. He rubbed his eyes furiously and then blinked, adjusting his eyes to the already bright room. The raven haired lad glanced up the TV, which featured an episode of _Doctor Who_ , and then turned to the bed where Niall was.

“Morning, babe,” he mumbled, smiling stupidly at the Irish lad.

“Morning,” Niall answered back. “We could’ve shared the bed, you know,” he added, patting the space beside him. “You could’ve been more comfy.” Zayn shrugged and stood up from the chair, stretching his legs for they were a bit numb. He then made his way towards Niall and leaned in, connecting his lips with the Irish lad.

The door opened and Niall quickly broke apart from Zayn. Somehow he knew it was Liam and it felt strange and wonderful at the same time that he knew it was him. Liam, on the other hand, didn’t seem to look shocked upon seeing Niall kissing Zayn.

“Someone’s having a good morning,” said Liam, placing the tray of breakfast – pancakes, bacon, and orange juice – on the bedside table. He smiled at the Irish lad and then nodded towards Zayn. “Just call me if you need anything,” he said and Zayn nodded. “We’ll be fine.”

Liam looked back at Niall and then headed out the door.

 

An ambush was the last thing Liam expected to greet him when he stepped out of Niall’s hospital room. Nevertheless, Louis was outside the door and Liam literally jumped when he turned around and came face-to-face with Louis. “Jeez, Lou, will you stop doing that?!” he hissed in frustration.

“Doing what?” Louis smiled at him innocently. “I haven’t said good morning to you yet, Li.”

“Well, you’ve just added ruin to my morning…” said Liam grumpily.

Louis raised his eyebrow. “Added? Why added?”

“I walked into them while they were kissing,” answered Liam bitterly.

“Why do you sound like you _weren’t_ expecting that?” Liam scoffed and headed down the hall. Louis shook his head and rolled his eyes, and followed his friend. “They’re in a _relationship_ , Liam,” Louis reminded him. “You can’t remove the intimacy there. If you’re so jealous, just tell the little angel his boyfriend’s little secret.”

“God, no!” Liam turned around. “And don’t bring that thing up again _ever_ , I’m not one to play dirty.”

“Fine.” Louis nodded. “If you want him to die with a lie, go for it.”

Liam grabbed Louis’ shirt and dragged him into one of the unused stairwells. He shove him against the wall, the older lad gasped by a sudden pain emanating from his back. “He’s not going to die!” growled Liam.

“L-Liam, calm down–”

“I’m not gonna _fucking_ calm down until you stop putting me up to this!” shouted Liam. He pinned Louis harder on the wall and the older lad cried out but Liam didn’t care. “Yeah, okay, you’re right, I _am_ in love with him. But being in love with someone isn’t just about fucking and having that person, it’s something that’s unexplainable and surreal. I can’t have him, Louis, so will you stop messing around with my life–”

“LIAM, YOU’RE HURTING ME!”

That was only when Liam realized his nails were already buried deep into Louis’ skin. The older lad’s arms were bleeding, thin lines on blood snaked down to his hands. Liam let go of Louis and stepped back a little. The stairwell was filled with Louis’ sobs as he slumped down on the floor. “Lou…” Liam called out to him but the older lad didn’t respond.

Liam knelt down and embraced Louis, not minding if there were blood smears on his uniform. “Lou, I-I’m sorry,” he whispered, resting his head on Louis’ tousled hair and inhaling the scent of tangerine. Louis scooted closer, crooning on Liam’s neck.

“I crossed the line, Li. I should be the one who’s sorry,” said Louis. “It’s just that…for the past few days, I’ve never seen you so happy before. That’s all I want for you, Liam – to be happy. He’s making you happy. But in turn, I feel guilty when I see him with that _boy_. I don’t know if he really does love Niall but I know what he’s doing is wrong. All I’m arguing is why soften the blow when it has happened when you could do it _before_ it does? I’m not playing matchmaker here, Li. But if you don’t want to go through this, then okay. I’ll stop.”

“Y-you’re not mad at me?” asked Liam. Louis, expecting something else to come out of Liam’s mouth, laughed. The younger lad looked bewildered, wondering why Louis suddenly laughed. “No matter how hard I try, I can _never_ get mad at you, Liam. You’re an idiot sometimes but…that’s just you.” Louis grinned. “And that was ‘Reason Why I Love My Best Friend #86’. Screw perfect, yes-man BFFs, I’d rather have you.”

Liam smiled. “If you weren’t my best friend, I’d kiss you right now.”

Louis raised his eyebrow. “Li, please, we’re having a moment…don’t ruin it.”

Both of them ended laughing, their laughter booming through the stairwell. Though he was only joking about the kiss thing, Liam ended up kissing Louis’ forehead; the older lad humming in content with the younger one’s actions. “Just promise me one thing, Li,” said Louis.

“Anything,” replied Liam.

“Follow your heart,” said Louis. “No matter how crazy, no matter how absurd.”

__________________________

Niall’s doubts started like this:

The Irish lad was allowed to go to the rooftop every afternoon. As he stared across London, watching cabs drive through the maze of roads and the Big Ben’s hands move to four o’ clock, he felt something or _someone_ sneak up behind him. He suspected it was Zayn.

His muscles coiled and he pounced on the person behind him, making both of them fall to the ground. The person gave a slight _oof_ and Niall laughed. “You think you could sneak up behind me, Za–Liam?! God, I’m _so_ sorry. I thought you were Zayn.”

Liam chuckled. “So this is where you’ve been sneaking off to every afternoon…”

“I don’t sneak off,” retorted Niall. “FYI, I had permission.”

“Uh-huh,” said Liam. “So, am I really that comfy?”

“Wha–” Niall blushed when he realized he was on top of Liam and their faces were inches from each other. The Irish lad tried to stand but he slipped and fell back onto Liam’s chest. “Shit…” he muttered. Liam chuckled and tried to force the both of them up. Niall grunted, pins and needles on his legs.

“I was worried you were planning to jump off the building and go all Sherlock,” said Liam with a grin. He offered his hand to Niall and pulled him up. The younger lad muttered thanks and then brushed his shoulders. “You know I won’t,” said Niall. “I still have a bit of vainness in me to stop me from killing myself.”

Liam pursed his lips. “I don’t see the vainness,” he said. “You look pretty…normal.”

“Except my brain’s slowly turning into nothingness,” replied Niall, obviously trying to point out to Liam that there was no point in keeping his hopes up. “Heck I’d wish for it to even have gooey remains,” he added. He liked it how Liam, for the past ten days, had been very supportive and positive about this dilemma he was going through. It was probably because he’d seen lots of people, met a lot of people that inspired him to give patients – who have death knocking on their doors – the hope that it’s only death’s shadow. Liam didn’t need to be like them to know how it felt like.

In the silence that enveloped them, broken only by the random passing of cars below on the road, it was Niall’s first time to feel like maybe there _was_ hope. Then his phone, safely tucked in the pocket of his hoodie jacket, rang loudly to the beat of something that sounded like delinquent rapping to Liam’s ears. “Shit. Of all times…” muttered Niall as he fished it out of his pocket.

He held it by his ear. “Yeah? No, Josh, you cannot have the Obama cut-out…well, I’m still _alive_ …no, you little shit, I’m donating it to charity…what charity would want it? Every fucking charity would want it!–” Niall rolled his eyes. “Fine, you can have the snapbacks– _but only one_. You heard me, Josh? _One_. And don’t you dare take the Chicago Bulls snapback…What?! Hell no, you can’t wear that at my funeral…Ugh. Bye.”

Niall shoved the phone back into his pocket in annoyance. Liam chuckled and asked, “Annoying little brother?”

“How can you tell?”

“Nothing could be more obnoxious than that,” said Liam with a smirk. “I had my fair share of babysitting my nephews. God, I just wanted to strangle them. But of course, I’m the _good_ uncle so…” Liam shrugged and stared out to the Thames.

“I haven’t seen your boyfriend around,” started Liam. He suddenly found it a bit awkward and a bit stupid to ask, and he hoped Niall would have a positive reply to it. Gladly, he did. “He said something about a summer job the other day,” said Niall. “I think he got hired.”

Liam suddenly felt guilty. Louis’ words echoed in his head. He knew what Zayn was _really_ doing but the older lad convinced himself that Niall’s relationship was none of his business – even though he was _definitely_ in love with the younger lad. Instead, he let out a “uh-huh” and then took out his phone, and quickly took a picture of Niall who looked like a frightened blonde deer in the shot.

“What the hell?!” yelled Niall. “I wasn’t ready!”

“I kinda have this thing,” explained Liam.

Niall raised his eyebrow. “What? Taking pictures of soon-to-be-dead patients?”

Liam shook his head. “No. Believe me or not, all the patients I’ve been assigned to are all pretty much alive.” He showed the other pictures to Niall. “I don’t take a picture of all of them but I like it when they look normal – just themselves with no camera to smile to. And…I only take pictures of the ones who made an impact on my life.”

Niall looked up at Liam who was genuinely smiling and then blushed. It was a weird compliment but nonetheless, it felt strangely good that he was something to someone he just met. His hand slowly swayed until it held on to Liam’s. The older lad jerked in surprise and looked at Niall who was staring at him, trying to ask something like _is this okay?_ Liam replied by lacing his fingers in between Niall’s calloused ones (which was because of the guitar hobby).

They both inhaled much of the London afternoon air and as the sun set on the horizon, Niall took out his phone again and dialed Zayn’s number. Liam thought he would be jealous but he isn’t. Somehow, he knows that he wasn’t the one doing anything wrong and that comforted him a bit. After a good minute, someone finally answered.

“Hello?” It sounded different. It sounded like a girl. “Who is this?”

“This is Niall,” said the Irish lad. “Who are you?”

There was some cursing and then some noises about I-told-you-not-to-touch-my-phone and then, Zayn’s voice came on. “Sorry, babe. That was Perrie, she’s a co-worker of mine. Apparently, she’s snoopy around other people’s stuff and I didn’t know. I left my phone on the counter and she answered it… Anyway, how are you?”

“I’m…” Niall glanced at Liam. “Fine. I’m at the hospital rooftop right now, enjoying the sunset.”

“You’re alone?”

Niall glanced again at Liam and the older lad shook his head. “Yeah, kinda like to enjoy the peace and quiet. How was work? Where are you working anyway?”

“Restaurant,” said Zayn. “And it’s pretty tiring, really. The chef’s really mouthy.”

“I bet I can beat him at that,” replied Niall. He could hear Zayn chuckle on the other end of the line. There were some noises again and then Zayn said, “Listen, I gotta go now, babe, but I’ll see you on Saturday, yeah?”

“Okay, bye. I love you…”

Liam closed his eyes. Zayn’s reply was somehow delayed. “I love you too, Ni.”

The older lad wanted Niall to see that there was something wrong with the picture but the younger lad seemed oblivious at the fact that Zayn just lied to him about almost everything. Liam was sure that Zayn wasn’t at a restaurant. Yeah, there were some noises but not _enough_ noise.

Niall pocketed his phone again and Liam could see the frown on his face. He wanted to ask if the younger lad was alright but Niall was already walking towards the stairwell, and with their hands still intertwined, forced Liam to follow the younger lad.

“You okay?” asked Liam.

“Just felt cold all of the sudden.” Niall paused and turned to Liam. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. I’d tell you if there was something wrong.”

“Something _is_ wrong, am I right?”

Niall was silent, his head kept down low and then, he just hugged Liam with tears already streaming down his face. “What kind of boyfriend am I if I have doubts about him?” said Niall. Liam knew what they were talking about. _So he didn’t fall for it after all…_

“What kind of doubts?” asked Liam.

“I don’t know…” mumbled Niall. “I’m having these thoughts ever since I got here – that maybe, because I’m gonna die eventually, Zayn’s been looking for a replacement. This is really awkward but me and Zayn never actually gone all the way…ever. I told him we’d do it when we get married and stuff like that but–” Niall shook his head. “It seems I wasn’t good enough anymore.”

“So…” Liam didn’t finish his sentence. He wanted it to come from Niall himself.

“Yeah,” said Niall. “I think he’s cheating on me.”

“Niall…”

The Irish lad scoffed. “The fucking bastard. I wish he could pretend not to lose interest in me until I died but no, he _had_ to do it while I’m still alive. I mean, it’s not a long wait. How long did the doctor say? Seven months?”

“Nine,” corrected Liam, though it stung while said it.

“See? It’s not so long!” Niall squeezed on Liam’s hand. “I…I guess falling for your best friend isn’t a fairy tale after all. Have I told you that? He’s been my best friend since I was three and then, when I was eighteen, he asked the question. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I’ve been in love with him since God knows when.”

“Good thing my best friend’s crazy,” joked Liam, trying to diffuse the tension. Niall looked up at the older lad. “You’ve met him,” added Liam. “The funny guy who brought your dinner last Thursday.”

“Oh,” said Niall. “He’s nice. Always called me ‘angel’ though. It was kinda freaking me out.”

“Don’t worry, he meant well,” said Liam. “But yeah, he’s crazy.”

“I feel like you guys never fight…”

“Actually,” started Liam. “We had our first one that morning – last Thursday, I mean. That’s why he brought dinner instead of me. I had to go home and rethink my life.”

Niall chuckled. “C’mon, friends fight. Even if you insinuated it, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”

“Did you see the band aids all over his arms?”

“Yeah…wait, you–”

“I did that,” confessed Liam. “Still think I’m not a bad person? I mean, I freaking hurt my _best friend_. And it was for something stupid as–” The older lad stopped midsentence.

“As what?” Niall narrowed his eyes. “You can tell me, I’m not gonna judge you.”

“You are,” said Liam. “Trust me, you’re gonna judge me when you hear it.”

__________________________

**_JULY_ **

After a while, Niall was released from the hospital. It’s now mid-way through July but the summer heat wasn’t faltering. There were occasional rain showers every now and then but nothing major for Niall’s interests. It turns out Zayn was _indeed_ working at a restaurant and there _was_ a girl there named Perrie.

Niall met her once when he dinned there with his family. She was their waitress that evening and she had this somewhat bombastic personality. After that dinner, they talked (well, Perrie did most of the talking) and somehow they got into the topic of relationships.

“So you and Zayn had been together for how long?” asked Perrie as she cleaned the table. Niall’s parents already left and the Irish lad stayed behind to have a chat with Perrie. “We’ve been friends since I was three. I was eighteen when he became my boyfriend. Now I’m twenty-three,” replied Niall.

“Wow,” said Perrie. She smiled and stacked the dishes onto the tray. “Five years and still going strong? He’s a sweet fella, isn’t he? He always talks about you, of course. Never got to hang out with him much here at the restaurant though I think you know that one time he got pissed with me.”

“The phone call?” said Niall, remembering that afternoon. Then, he suddenly remembered Liam.

“Yeah, that one time.” Perrie grimaced. “He was so bloody angry with me and it was _absolutely_ horrifying. Sorry about that, by the way. Must’ve been quite a surprise hearing a girl answer his phone…”

Niall chuckled. “Very surprising.”

“I kinda hate ringing phones that no one answers,” admitted Perrie. “I mean, you bought them so why just leave them around like that? Sort of like my cousin, Harry, says, ‘If you love someone, you can’t just leave them lying about, unloved and uncared for. If you love someone, you have to tell them, show them. There can’t be any other way.’” Perrie giggled. “But anyway, I think that’s just because he’s in love with that nurse guy at the hospital. I’ve met him once, that nurse, he has this friend who has this crush on a patient he had but the problem was that that patient of his already had someone. I think his name was Liam.”

Niall’s head jerked up. “What was that?”

“The nurse’s friend,” said Perrie. “His name was Liam.”

“Is there, by any chance, the name of the nurse to be Louis?”

“How did you–” Perrie’s eyes widened. “Oh my gosh. You’re the–”

“Please don’t tell Zayn,” said Niall. “I had no idea too until now. Please? I don’t want him to get angry and think Liam was hitting on me while I was at the hospital. Because he wasn’t. So far as I’m concerned, he had been the best nurse _ever_.”

“O-okay…”

“Thanks.”

 

Niall couldn’t sleep that night. It wasn’t because he recently moved to his new place – a flat a few blocks away from his parents’ house – nor was it because of indigestion (he never gets that). It was because of Liam. As he laid on his bed, arms spread across like he’s ready for crucifixion and staring blankly at the whitewash ceiling as if trying to pretend he could see the starry night outside, his head was filled with thoughts of the brown-eyed lad. He suddenly laughed out loud at a thought. After all those times, the nurse had a crush on him? Okay, maybe he had a _bit_ of good looks but seriously, Liam was too handsome – handsome enough for Niall to be flattered that the older lad even had interest on him. Now, he was thinking how much Liam had to endure while he was there for in several occasions, he had been too close for comfort to the older lad. Then he thought of that time when Liam walked into them while he and Zayn were kissing. Did he already have a crush on Niall at that time? Niall didn’t want to think about it any further. It was completely frustrating that he got off his bed and headed to the kitchen. He grabbed a pack of popcorn from the cupboard and shove it to the microwave. While waiting, he glanced at the clock. It was a quarter past one but sleep was still evading him and was elusive as ever. After the popcorn was done, he grabbed it, poured the contents into a bowl, and headed to the small living room and turned on the TV. Nothing interesting was on so he turned on the DVD player and played _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_. Fifteen minutes into the movie, the popcorn was gone and so was Niall, dozing off into a dream wonderland…but the problem was, it wasn’t a wonderland.

_Niall was walking down an empty street in the middle of the night. He was wearing his pajamas and he had his bathrobe wrapped around him. He checked his wrist watch and it was almost three. It was pretty silent which was synonymous with something pulled out of a horror or thriller movie. As he paced the sidewalk, his yellow smiley slippers rubbing with the stone ground, he could feel someone following him. He knew it was wrong to look back because that’s the common mistake of the protagonist who unlikely dies at the end of every horror movie Niall has ever watched, but he still did and there was no one there._

_That’s when he started running. The road seemed endless but he jogged faster and faster until his body wanted to catch a breath. He told himself to just do it – run away until it’s safe – but his knees gave up and he crashed to the ground. Then he heard a sound. It sounded creepy at first but as it got nearer and nearer, it turned out to be a kid dressed up in a Dracula costume humming_ This Is Halloween.

_“Why are you lying on the ground, mister?” asked the boy._

_“I tripped,” said Niall. “Shouldn’t you be at home? It’s way past your bedtime.”_

_“No, it isn’t,” said the boy stubbornly. “It’s just seven-thirty.”_

_“But it’s–” He looked at his clock and the child was right – it was seven-thirty. He got up from the ground._

_“Are you sure you’re okay, mister?” asked the boy._

_“I’m fine,” Niall assured him._

_“I’m not convinced,” said the boy accusingly. “Walk me home and then I’ll believe you.”_

_“Fine,” said Niall. “Why are you in a costume anyway?”_

_“It’s Halloween, silly,” replied the boy. “Don’t you know that?”_

_They turned on the curve and Niall knew his eyes were playing trick on him. It was the neighborhood he grew up in – the neighborhood a few blocks away from where his flat was. Children started appearing, wearing all kinds of costumes. The boy tugged his bathrobe and pointed northward. “C’mon, my house is that way,” said the boy._

_As they got nearer, Niall recognized whose house it was – it was Zayn’s. Did Zayn have a nephew? He certainly didn’t have a brother but…it was still possible. They were at the front porch and Niall helped the boy push the doorbell. The door opened and Niall was greeted with a pair of hazel eyes. “May I help you?” asked Zayn._

_“Hi, dad,” said the boy._

_“Oh,” said Zayn in surprise. “I take it you brought Mark home…he didn’t cause any trouble, did he?” Zayn glanced at his son who was smiling cheekily at him. Niall was still speechless and was unable to for any verbal conversation. Luckily, the boy was good with explanations._

_“He was running down on the other lane, dad,” said the boy. “He tripped so I went over to him to ask him if he was alright. Said he was fine. Then I asked him to walk me home.”_

_“Well, thank you for that,” said Zayn with a smile. But before Zayn could turn around and close the door, Niall grabbed his arm. The raven haired lad looked surprised. “Don’t you know me? It’s me, Niall,” said the Irish lad._

_Zayn shook off his arm and glared at Niall. “Very funny. What is this? Some kind of Halloween prank? Well, it’s not as good as you think, sir. My best friend’s been dead a long time ago. How dare you pretend to be him?!”_

_“Zayn, honey, what’s happening?” said the voice from inside the house._

_“Some guy’s claiming that he’s Niall,” said Zayn, still not removing his gaze from Niall._

_The other person came out and stood beside Zayn and Niall felt his heart racing till he can’t breathe anymore. He backed off a bit, down into the lawn and he still couldn’t believe it. It was impossible. This was a_ fucking _nightmare. “No…” he whispered. He was still in denial…that Liam was there beside Zayn._

_Niall didn’t know in which part of the denial did he run away with tears going down his cheek but then he heard the boy shout, “Mister! Watch out!” He didn’t know what the boy was talking about until bright lights flooded his eyes but he can hear the incoming vehicle that led to his demise._

Niall jerked up from the sofa and groaned. His neck _really_ hurt. He twisted his neck a bit and stood up, and headed to the kitchen. The clock says it was already seven in the morning. Niall sighed. At least he had sleep…though not in a very comfortable way. Niall washed the bowl and then headed to his room. He stripped off from his clothes and took a shower. As he was there though, while he felt the warm water trickling down his naked body, his imagination turned for the worse.

He imagined Zayn to be in there with him but, when he turned around, it was Liam. They kiss languidly and then, Liam’s lips were travelling downward. As more thoughts came to his head, Niall groaned, feeling himself hardening. He eased himself and soon enough was shuddering as he came. Niall felt guilty and somehow disgusted of how he wanted a round two.

**_AUGUST_ **

The days pass by slowly and there wasn’t one that Niall couldn’t stop thinking about Liam. When Zayn was there, the Liam thoughts stop but when he’s all alone, it starts again and sadly, Niall both hated it and welcomed it.

**_SEPTEMBER_ **

Again, quite the same as he will ever be. He celebrated his birthday but so what? Zayn was late.

**_OCTOBER_ **

It was almost Halloween and Niall remembered the dream he got a few months back. That was the only relevance he ever thought off so he grabbed his coat and headed to his parents’ house. They’ve invited him for dinner (which meant eating like a king – but not in his case since there was a lot of stuff he can’t eat which is also some less harsh term for “not to eat anything potentially dangerous which is everything”).

Of course, Zayn will be a no show again since his work at the restaurant was until nine in the evening. Niall had to admit, he was missing a lot of Zayn. Ever since he got that job and got permanent, he only manages to be with him on weekends (which was a very short time) and, if Zayn isn’t too tired, he would go to Niall’s flat and sleep with him. No sex though, just _literal_ sleeping.

And of all those times he cuddled with Zayn, he was thinking of a certain brown-eyed lad instead.

___________________

**_NOVEMBER_ **

And so what happened next was like this:

It was mid-way through November when Niall went out shopping with Zayn. The raven haired lad got the week off just for Niall and him to spend time. And though it wasn’t allowed, they were at McDonald’s ordering food. After they got seated on a table by the window, Zayn said, “I’ve got something for you later…”

“Oh?” Niall raised his eyebrow. “And what’s that?”

Zayn grinned. “It’s a surprise.”

After they finished eating, Zayn took him to the place where they first met. The playground was quiet. Being in a park, the playground was clear to see to anyone with great eyesight. As they swung on the swings – back and forth with Zayn’s eyes not leaving Niall’s – the raven haired lad suddenly jumped from his and stood in front of Niall’s.

Zayn knelt down and took out a red box. Niall’s eyes widened. The people at the park stopped to watch what was happening. Niall’s heart was already racing even though Zayn wasn’t saying anything yet.

“Niall, I know I haven’t been spending time with you for the past few months,” said Zayn. “But I was investing. I wanted to have something stable before doing this.” Zayn opened the box to reveal the gold ring inside. “Niall James Horan, we’ve been friends since we were little. I knew I loved you since I was thirteen and now, I wanna take it to the next level again. Ni, will you marry me?”

Everything was racing in his mind. Everything from the pros and cons, and the things that had happened. Niall tried to sum it up, he _forced_ himself to think harder than he did before. Then…it snapped. “God, no!” he shouted.

Zayn looked like heaven and hell just crushed him. “W-what?! Ni…I-I–”

“Make it stop!” screamed Niall, his hands clutching the sides of his head. “Z-Zayn, j-just make it stop!”

Only then did Zayn realize what was happening. He closed the box and pocketed it again and scooped up Niall, carrying him to the car like the last time. Niall started shaking and Zayn cursed, laying him on the backseat, and hurriedly made his way to the driver’s seat and drove to the hospital.

 

Niall recognized the room he woke up in. He turned to the door and found Zayn crying on one of the seats. “Zayn?” he weakly called out. The raven haired lad’s head jerked up and quickly stood up. He went beside Niall and kissed his forehead. “I-I thought I was gonna lose you…” whispered Zayn.

“What–” Niall groaned. “W-what happened?”

“You had a seizure again,” explained Zayn. “Worse than the first one. Ni, I’m sorry. I think I stressed you out with what I did–”

But Niall’s lips were already pressed against his. It had been too long since he felt Zayn’s lips and it felt surprisingly different to the Irish lad – like it was the first time. They broke apart and Niall mumbled, “That wasn’t you fault, Zayn…”

 

Pretty much everything was back to the same routine he had when he was at the hospital back in June. The doctor wanted to keep a close eye on his situation. There have been meetings of some sort, Louis tells him once, about addressing patients with the same disease as he had.

Now, he was at the hospital rooftop again that Friday afternoon – two weeks after the incident at the playground. Niall leaned on the edge, looking down to the street below and watching the people pass by. He wondered whether or not he’ll be given a second chance to live like that again – to live normally without any _fucking_ cancer to worry about.

“There are still a lot of options other than death,” said the voice behind him.

Niall knew better than to assume who it was. The voice sounded different and he was sure it wasn’t Zayn. He turned around and saw a curly haired lad in his overcoat with a worried look on his face; his green eyes twinkled a bit that Niall found it cute.

“I’m not _that_ desperate,” said Niall. “I was just admiring the view. I do this every day, you know.”

“Oh, sorry. I thought you were gonna jump,” said the curly haired lad. He smiled. “I’m Harry, by the way.”

“Niall,” said the Irish lad. “I know you’ve already been told of me.”

Harry blushed. “It’s not my fault that Louis talks about you.”

“Jealous?” asked Niall with a smirk. “Are you two like…in a relationship?”

Harry snorted. “I wish. Louis isn’t all that interested in me. If he was _really_ cruel, I bet he’d friendzone me and I will never recover from it.”

“Oh, please. Stop being a drama queen. Louis’ just playing hard to get,” said Niall. He walked away from the edge of the building and headed to the stairwell. “Why are you here anyway?” he asked Harry, throwing a suspicious look.

“Waiting for Louis’ time off,” said Harry with a blush.

“Come with me,” said Niall.

“Why?”

Niall grinned. “Just come with me.”

 

“Hey, Ni, how are you– _whatthefuck?!_ Harry, what are you doing here?!” Louis nearly dropped the tray he was carrying. He looked like he was going to call security to take down a murder suspect lurking in the room. But what differed was that he was blushing – _seriously_ blushing.

“Came over to say hi,” said Harry. Louis gave a fake laugh and set the tray on the table. He was unfurling the table napkin when Harry added, “And also to ask you out.” Louis dropped the napkin and stared with shock at the curly haired lad.

Niall couldn’t help but smile. “A-Ask me out as in a-a date?” Louis failed miserably at his sentence, his tan skin was still blushing. Harry nodded. “Yeah, a date,” he said. “Is that okay with you? I-I mean if it’s not okay and…and…you don’t want to, it’s, um, fine with me.”

Louis blinked. He went back to arranging Niall’s dinner on the tray, fumbling rather messily and then set it onto Niall’s bed. The Irish lad smirked at him and Louis rolled his eyes. He turned to Harry and said, “Wait for me outside.”

“O-Okay…” said Harry, smiling happily.

Harry left and after the door closed, Louis glared teasingly at Niall. “Okay, spill. Why did you let Harry come here?”

Niall grinned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play games with me,” replied Louis teasingly. “I’m a master at blackmailing.”

Niall gave a hearty laugh and then scrunched his nose. “Nice try, but try again.” He started cutting the buttered carrots and poking it with the fork. After a few slices of vegetables, Louis said, “Does this have to do with a certain best friend of mine?” Niall didn’t answer and for Louis, that was a definite and _clear_ yes.

“I haven’t seen him around,” said Niall, finally giving up. “Ever since I came back here at the hospital, he never even showed his face to me. Liam never visits me anymore. I don’t know if he’s avoiding me or maybe because he’s busy but it’s frustrating me, Louis. I don’t know if I did anything wrong and that’s what worries me.”

Louis sighed. “The truth is…Liam was supposed to be assigned to you again.” Niall’s head jerked up and his eyes shone brightly in anticipation. “But he refused,” continued Louis. Niall’s expression changed so fast from hope to devastation. Maybe he really _did_ something wrong. “Li recommended me instead,” said Louis. “Of course, the doctor agreed with Liam’s terms but was a little disappointed since you were quite fond of him.”

“But _why_?” The neediness in Niall’s voice was evident, the upper half of his body was inclined towards Louis and waited for the older lad’s answer. He _needed_ to know what happened. Was it because he was too clingy? He can be like that sometimes. Or maybe he was too whiny? After all, he was constantly seeking Liam’s attention at most times when he feels depressed.

Louis bit his lip. “He can’t take it anymore, Niall. And I don’t care if this destroys everything or ruins my reputation – or Liam’s for that matter – so I’m just gonna say it. He was, and _still is_ in love with you! From day one, he has been keeping a straight face just for the sake of you and your boyfriend. Li’s a nice guy, Niall, and he doesn’t wanna ruin anything – most especially a relationship – so he chose to go away instead of staying. He says he’ll get over you sooner or later but this–” Louis showed him the faded marks on his arms. “–tells me differently! It assures me that he will _never_ get over you. He might get over dead turtles or a spoon prank but you – you’re different! You’re an _anomaly_ , Niall, you’re something that has never happened in his life. You’re like the very first UFO sighting that started a craze – a total alien fever. And Niall, to him you _are_ that craze. It’s nothing ‘stalker-like’, I assure you, but once it had started it will never stop until conclusive proof is found – whether it will lead to a yes or a no.”

“So you’re asking me to–”

“ _Finish this_ , Niall. I don’t care if you will break his heart, just end this. When I finally succeed to convince him to talk to you, end it. I don’t care if it’s a happy ending or not.” Tears started forming on the rim of Louis’ eyes. “I don’t wanna see him like this for much longer, Niall – no best friend would _ever_ want to see him like this.”

“I will,” said Niall. But in his mind, he wished it would never come to that.

___________________________

**_DECEMBER_ **

Snow started to fall on the windowsill of Niall’s hospital room. As he stared at the window, watching the outside world slowly turning white, the door opened. Niall tried to shift his legs but they were already weak. Twelve days ago the doctor had diagnosed that the nerves on his feet were weakening, meaning sooner or later he will never be able to walk anymore.

Inch by inch he moved his legs to the edge of the bed until there were hanging and he was sitting, watching Liam’s figure – that person he missed so much – go up to him. He wasn’t smiling, the gorgeous smirk on Liam’s face was no more. “Hi,” said Niall weakly.

“You don’t look well,” said Liam. “I hope Louis hasn’t been starving you.” It was full of true concern, basing on the fact that Niall appeared thinner than the last time Liam saw him, but Niall took it as a joke and laughed loudly.

“Don’t worry, Louis has been taking care of me,” assured Niall. “But I’ve really missed you, Liam. Really. You’re one of the best things I’ve had in my life and believe me, I can count them with my fingers. And the only thing that popped into my mind when you walked into this room just a few moments ago was a question: why did you go away, Liam? I want an honest answer, no more secrets.”

Liam looked pained when he closed his eyes and gave out a loud sigh. He stared back into Niall’s cerulean orbs, seeing his own chocolate brown ones being reflected. It was hard to tell yourself that you’re in love just through first sight but to Liam, first sight was just as normal as it will ever be. He became scared of spoons upon first sight and he became friends with Louis the first time they met and saw each other in their zoology class. So who was he to deny his own self for being in love with someone you barely know as a guy with cancer? “Because I can’t bear to see you with Zayn, Niall,” whispered Liam. “It’s insane but it’s true. And it’s because of that that I decided that I’m better off to leave you two alone. I’m not a home-wrecker, Niall, and I don’t dream of becoming one.”

“Say it,” said Niall. “Tell me straight to my face why you can’t bear to see me with Zayn.”

Liam’s eyes widened. It was a challenge he dared not to fight no matter how brave he was. But Niall’s eyes convinced him to do so – their perplexing stare forced the words out of his mouth. “Because I’m in love with you,” said Liam, trying to hold back the words but it continued to come out. “You’re all I can think about, you’re one of those things that I care about. I even managed to hurt my own best friend because of you. And it’s _fucking_ unfair to the both of us if I keep my obsession alive.”

“Go ahead then,” said Niall. He wished Liam would say that no matter how hard he tried, he just can’t leave Niall but instead, Liam turned around and started walking away. The first urge that went to Niall was to go after Liam but his feet won’t let him. “Liam!” he shouted. The older lad turned around. “Before you leave my life,” he said. “Do me one last favor.”

“What is it?” asked Liam.

Niall held out his hand, urging Liam to take it. The older lad walked back hesitantly and then took the Irish lad’s hand in his. As soon as he did so, Niall took his phone and played a song. He laid it back on the bed and said, “Dance with me.”

It was at the beginning of the song, the soft tune was like that of a lullaby, that Liam helped Niall stand up and told him to take his hands and step on his feet for support. The older lad wrapped his arms around Niall’s waist while the younger lad had his around Liam’s neck. They moved slowly at the mark of the first verse.

_Take my hand_

_I’ll teach you to dance_

_I’ll spin you around_

_Won’t let you fall down_

_Would you let me lead?_

_You can step on my feet_

_Give it a try_

_It’ll be alright_

The room was silent with just the song playing. Niall tried to make Liam smile, wanting to see his smirk once more but Liam still looked at unease with his hands holding Niall’s waist tightly.

_The room’s hush-hush_

_And now’s our moment_

_Take it in, feel it all_

_And hold it_

_Eyes on you, eyes on me_

_We’re doing this right_

Niall’s bare feet slid with every move from Liam’s. They were still slow dancing, taking in the feeling which Niall wanted Liam to feel. Over the music, there was something building up in Niall’s chest, an incredible feeling he only felt once before – and it was now conflicting with the original one. His heart was now divided into two and he should be worried but he wasn’t.

_Cause lovers dance when they’re feeling in love_

_Spotlight shining, it’s all about us_

_It’s all about us_

_And every heart in the room will melt_

_This is a feeling you’ve never felt but_

_It’s all about us_

By the time of the second verse, Niall rested his head on Liam’s chest, feeling the older lad’s slow breathing and heartbeat. It was distinguishingly normal not like before when it was beating fast because of Liam’s nervousness whenever Niall was too close. He smelled heavenly – and not of chlorine and disinfectant – which made the younger lad smile as they danced along.

_Suddenly, I’m feeling brave_

_Don’t know what’s got into me_

_Why feel this way_

_Can we dance real slow?_

_Can I hold you real close?_

Liam’s arms pulled Niall closer, their bodies pressed against each other. Niall moved his head onto Liam’s shoulder and hummed pleasingly. He could feel that Liam was glancing at him but he didn’t dare return the look because he was too satisfied to feel Liam so close again.

_The room’s hush-hush_

_And now’s our moment_

_Take it in, feel it all_

_And hold it_

_Eyes on you, eyes on me_

_We’re doing this right_

_Cause lovers dance when they’re feeling in love_

_Spotlight shining, it’s all about us_

_It’s all about us_

_And every heart in the room will melt_

_This is a feeling you’ve never felt but_

_It’s all about us_

_Do you hear that, love?_

_They’re playing our song_

_Do you think we’re ready at all?_

_I’m really feeling it_

_Do you hear that, love?_

_Do you hear that, love?_

_Do you hear that, love?_

_They’re playing our song_

_Do you think we’re ready–_

Liam stopped dancing and stared at Niall who was now looking at him with confusion. The older lad looked away but the younger lad caressed his cheek, turning Liam’s face back to him. Niall leaned closer and Liam hesitated, moving his head away. The younger lad pulled Liam back towards him and kissed him full on the mouth. The older lad grunted, surprised by Niall, but closed his eyes.

But after they broke apart, Niall noticed their audience: a certain raven haired lad, his fingers curled tightly on the bouquet of flowers he was holding. Liam, however, was unmoving. Niall tried to say something but Zayn cut him off. “I tried _so hard_ , Ni. Believe me, I did,” he said, his eyes shifting to Liam. “You lucky bastard. Finally punishing me for that night, huh? I knew you’d use that sooner or later. Well, congratulations!”

Zayn threw the bouquet to the floor and the petals, like glass being shattered, flew around and covered the white tiles with red, orange, and violet. The door slammed behind Zayn; Niall tried to follow but faltered and was caught by Liam’s arms.

Niall untangled himself from Liam and grabbed his wheelchair, and wheeled out of the room. His mind was now focused on catching up with Zayn. The Irish lad didn’t understand why he did that – why he had to push the boundaries that were already been put just so he can feel happiness before he dies. As he rushed down the hall, no one was following him, not even Liam. When he turned to the right, he bumped into Harry who was surprised to see Niall in a wheelchair in his pajamas.

“Whoa there!” said Harry. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Do you have a car?” said Niall impatiently.

“Yeah, but–”

“Drive me.”

“Where?”

“To someone whom I did something wrong.”

_____________________

Naturally, on a snowy work day afternoon, the park was deserted. Niall told Harry to drop him exactly a few meters away from the playground. In the distance, Niall could see the leather jacketed Zayn swinging unenthusiastically with his back on them.

“Want me to go with you?” asked Harry, pulling the car over.

“No,” replied Niall decisively. “I’d like to talk to him alone.”

“Need help getting out?”

“I’ll use the cane.”

“Alright,” said Harry. “I’ll be staying here if you need me.’

Niall nodded. “Thanks.”

The Irish lad opened the backseat door and slowly made his way outside. He leaned on his cane – which he preferred more than being on a wheelchair – as he made his way to the playground. As he got nearer, Zayn looked up at the sky and then back on the ground, stomping every snowflake that fell onto the grassy field.

Niall could see the disappointment written all over Zayn’s face and stopped walking when he was a few meters away. Taking deep breaths, he inched forward slowly and then said, “Zayn?” The raven haired lad’s head jerked up and then he got off the swing and faced Niall.

“What?” Zayn’s eyes were aflame, their hazel-ness turned into nothing but black, disturbing pupils. “What more can you possibly do to make me feel worse, _Horan_?! I love you, Niall, and you know that!” Zayn bit his lips and shook his head. “Did that fucking–”

“His name’s Liam,”

“Fine! Defend him!” yelled Zayn. “But _did_ he tell you, huh? Did he tell you about my little secret, Niall?”

“What secret?”

“Oh so he didn’t! Well, there you go. Your Liam has some decency left in him after all.”

“What _secret_?” hissed Niall.

“Not that it’s gonna change anything,” said Zayn. “So yeah, your little knight-in-shining-armor and his flirty friend saw what I did. We were all at Perrie’s party and with Louis being friends with Perrie’s cousin, Harry, the two of them were invited. I was drunk so I made out with someone, then it got heated and we headed to one of the rooms–”

“Was it Perrie?” asked Niall.

“God no! That bitch doesn’t even drink. She was just gawking around, monitoring everything like a ruined high school principal–”

“She’s not a bitch,” said Niall. “But _you_ are one heck of a bastard! And you dare get mad at me like I was the first one who cheated.”

“God! It was a one-night stand, Niall!” replied Zayn with equal audacity. “You, on the other hand, _didn’t_ have a one-night fuck but had the nerve to go and find a plaything just because you’re miserable!”

“But do you know _why_ I’m miserable, Zayn?” Niall’s voice started to fall apart. “It’s because you weren’t there when I needed you the most. Zayn, I don’t need a lavish life, I just needed _you_. I was willing to throw away whatever I was feeling for Liam if you were _only_ there. You’re an amazing boyfriend and that isn’t me flattering you. I know you love me; I don’t care if you say it to me every single second of my life but when I needed to hear your voice the most, you weren’t there – you were working in a restaurant because you were too worried about giving me a future, giving us a future. But there’s no more future for me, Zayn. Not anymore. If you were only there, you would’ve known that by now, by today, instead of four, I only have a month and a half to live…”

Zayn was silent, staring with disbelief and his trembling lips. Tears were already flowing down Niall’s cheeks.

“I would’ve said yes, you know,” said Niall. “It’s the least I could do to make you happy before I leave you. I could’ve never had Liam, Zayn. That kiss was a goodbye, a thank you. I know it doesn’t look like it but it is. I got too carried away with all this shit that is my fucked up life that I didn’t want to pull away from him because I knew that if I did, I’ll only have to face reality that I’m going to die even if still don’t want to.” Niall bit his lip. “I know I’ve hurt you, Zayn. You were ready to give all of yourself to me and yet there I was – kissing another man. It’s ironic how I hurt you by the way you would’ve hurt me: by another person. But your hurt was worse and I’m fine if you want to end our relationship, Zayn. I just wished I could’ve been with you until the end but, yeah, I messed up.” Niall scoffed. “Your innocent boyfriend messed up, Zayn.”

Niall wasn’t expecting Zayn to do anything, let alone say anything but instead, he did both. The raven haired lad came closer and cupped Niall’s chin. “First, answer this: you have loved, will love, or still do love me – true or false?”

“True.”

“Second, look into my eyes and answer this: I love you, Niall.”

And Niall did; the blue found the brown.

“I love you too, Zayn.”

With that, Zayn pressed their lips together gently, not wanting it to deepen into anything more. It was the same kind that they first shared on the same spot, on the same day: December 17th. As they broke apart, Zayn whispered softly by Niall’s ear. “Goodbye.”

 

In the distance, Harry was leaning on his car and watching the scenes unfold. As the snow melted on his warm face, giving him shivers, someone stood beside him and said, “I just ruined everything for them, am I right?”

“Niall told me that you didn’t do anything, Liam,” replied Harry. “That kiss was a goodbye and a thank you, probably.”

“So he never loved me,” said Liam.

“In fact, he did,” Harry told Liam. “This may sound selfish and he probably won’t tell this to Zayn but Niall _does_ love you the way he loves Zayn. From here on, his heart will always be divided. He knows it’s wrong but what the hell, he said he was gonna die soon and he won’t be able to make any of the two of you happy anyway. What a heartbreaker, right? The whole ‘I can’t have you’ thing is just bullshit.”

Liam raised his eyebrow. “Says the one with a perfectly healthy relationship with my best friend.”

“Do me a favor and worry about your own love life right now,” said Harry.

“Why?” asked Liam. “Date didn’t go well?”

“No, it was great but…” Harry sighed. “He’s too preoccupied with your problems. He’s so stressed out that I know he was just trying to finish the pasta to please me when in fact he doesn’t want to swallow another drop of sauce anymore. I love Louis, Liam, but I can’t make a move until this whole love triangle episode involving you is over.”

“You sound like you want me to finish something,” said Liam. “Harry, there isn’t anything to end here. Niall and I weren’t even together and based on all that’s happening, we will never be together. Know that I _will be_ depressed for I don’t know how long when Niall’s gone but tell Lou that I’ll be fine. I’m never suicidal…I can take it.”

“Don’t come crying to him, Payne,” said Harry.

“You know I will,” said Liam. “I _definitely_ will.”

“I’d better get started with stocking the tissues then.”

“You have one and a half months to prepare.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I have to face the truth.”

“Face the truth in some less harrowing way.”

“There isn’t any other way.”

_______________________

“Hi,” said Liam amidst the silence, in front of people he didn’t know.

“I won’t be standing here to tell you about what a great person Niall Horan was… Zayn already beat me to that.” There were some laughs, Zayn smiled. Liam continued. “I’m gonna tell you how I met this boy – a strange boy who seemed to love everyone, and was loved by everyone. While he fought his sickness, I was there at the hospital and being his nurse. I’ve had many patients like him before and in tradition, I took a picture of him. He hated it, of course, mostly because he looked like a deer in the headlights. So he asked me to take another picture of him but I said it needed to be real, with him not knowing that I was taking a picture of him. A few days after, he was watching _Downton Abbey_ and then muttered, ‘Zayn always hated this show. He says it had too much drama’ and then he smiled. That’s when I took the picture – while was smiling and reminiscing the people he loved the most. The reason why I told you that is because I only take pictures of the people that had made a mark on my life – those people who mattered the most. Niall Horan showed me that it was alright to love someone, that sometimes best friends fight, and that we don’t always get what we want in this world. It tells us to appreciate what we got before it’s gone. Our life isn’t all up and no downs.” Liam forcefully held back the tears as he got to the last part of his tear-blotched script. “Before he…he…died, he asked both Zayn and I to be there in the room. Niall had my hand on his left and he had Zayn’s on his right. He said, ‘I’ll finally get out of this dream’. Then he smiled and said thank you. And right then, before he closed his eyes, he muttered those three words than we usually take for granted and _use_ for granted: I love you. I loved Niall Horan, I can tell you that. It sounds awkward but there it is. As I told you, he loved everyone and was loved by everyone. Goodbye, Ni. I’ll see you when I wake up too.”

_____________________

**_MARCH (Present Day)_ **

Zayn parked his car just nearby and saw Liam standing on the open field alone. As he walked up to him, the heavy feeling was there again. A cool breeze was going through the field and Zayn settled beside Liam who was looking down.

“I was expecting you much later,” said Liam.

“No traffic,” replied Zayn. “Plus, I had nothing else to do. Already took a shower earlier this morning. It was raining before I left though.”

“Yeah, I had to shelter myself under the nearest tree.” Liam chuckled. “Damn weather always trying to ruin things.”

“So…” Zayn trailed off, waiting for Liam to finish his sentence. “I’ve already put mine,” said Liam, motioning to the tombstone. Zayn knelt down and laid the bouquet of flowers he got on the way there beside Liam’s and then smiled. “We’re here together as always, Ni.”

“And one last thing,”

“What’s that?”

“Louis gave this to me a few days ago.” Liam handed the piece of browning paper to Zayn. The raven haired lad unfolded the paper and read the contents. He groaned. “A dance? Seriously?”

“Apparently,” said Liam with a grin.

“Even in death, he’s still persistent,” mumbled Zayn.

“So, shall we?” asked Liam. He opened his phone and played the song that Niall loved. He held his hand towards Zayn and the raven haired lad reluctantly took it. They started out slow and Liam made sure he had the song was on repeat because he knew Zayn would feel awkward to be dancing with him. But as the song progressed though, their feet were both in sync as they danced. When the music ended, Zayn suddenly blushed.

“Um, knowing Niall, he has these _things_ ,” said Zayn.

“Things?” Liam looked at him curiously.

“Everything meant something to him so, basically, this must’ve meant something too…”

“Maybe it means we should be friends,” suggested Liam.

“We are friends,” said Zayn. “Not close ones but, yeah, friends.”

After a few minutes of silence, it was time to go for the clouds were threatening to open their windows again to pour down a decent amount of rain. Zayn was going back to his car, offering Liam a ride home but he declined, stating that he was having brunch with Louis and Harry at the newly wed couples’ new flat. “Sure you don’t want me to drop you there?” asked Zayn.

“Nope, I’m fine.” Liam smiled.

“It close to raining,” insisted Zayn. “Are you sure?”

“It’s just nearby,” said Liam.

“We both know what Niall meant, Liam,” blurted Zayn out.

“I know,” said Liam. “We’ll see if his plan works.”

“You don’t mind?”

“No.”

“So…dinner?”

“Zayn,” said Liam warningly.

The raven haired lad laughed. “Just kidding. See you sometime?”

“Yeah,”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

As Zayn drove away, Liam sighed and chuckled slightly. “Some plan you’ve got, Ni. Boy, I wish this was _really_ all just a dream and that I’m close to waking up.”

The breeze turned up a notch. _Maybe this is a dream_.

Liam laughed. “You can’t scare me, Niall. No matter what you’d do, I won’t try my luck and go on a date with Zayn.”

The flower bouquets on the tombstone rolled off it by themselves. But Liam remained unfazed and picked them up, putting them back to where they were. Liam patted the marker and said, “Nice try, Niall. Nice try.”


End file.
